This is when I decide I want a healthy habit

 I thought I should start a reading habit; it is more mentally therapeutic and better than scrolling on social media all day long.

I have always wanted to read and consume books, but I’m a cheapskate *oops. And, it is so hard to just go around the bookstore and pick one that I like. I just don’t have the time.

Cheapskate and no time - why I never make reading as a habit.

So I explore my options. It turns out there is a platform where you can read books online. And the books are good too, thank God! I can choose from millions of books and authors, plus I can also choose unpaid/paid story. How convenient!

Friends, mark this day. The day I, Ivy James started a reading habit.

So let’s talk about goals.. what goal do I want to achieve by reading? Also, what kind of book do I want to read? There are so many genres to be picked. How many minutes/hours do I want to spend reading? When do I want to read? *deep breathing. Hold your horses, Ivy. One at a time.

What goal do I want to achieve by reading? The goal is so I don’t invest too much time on social media. So, I targeted 1 book/month. I hope it is not so hard. *sweat

What kind of book do I want to read? I like contemporary literature, with some romantic comedy. I want the laugh, the aww moment and the imaginations. *cough.

How many minutes/hours do I want to spend reading? When do I want to read? I wanted a time where I can focus and be myself. So it is 30 minutes /day on wee early in the morning, or before going to sleep.

*making a mental note

That’s it! The new and improve Ivy James habit, August and onwards.

(me reading according to my imagination)

This is the time when I feel everything is not working out

There, I feel it again in my gut. Everything I do seems not working out for me. It has been a few years since I decide to pursue my passion. Until now, I still have not found my passion.

I thought I like stationeries, so I review pens. I even setup a YouTube channel, but no new video since 4 months ago.

I thought I like making videos; I make videos of my kids. The same thing happens. No progress after 4 months.

I thought I like organizing and I have this dream of setting up a company just like The HOME Edit. But also, I have done nothing other than setting up an Instagram account.

I just don’t understand why is it so hard to find my passion? I look everywhere. It is like everybody seems to know and like what they’re doing. They seem success too. How do they do it?

I want to pursue other passion because I don’t want to be stuck here, in my current job. The money is good, but that’s it. It does not satisfy my soul.

I have google search on “how to find you passion”, but that does not help.

The search result says “Do the thing that you love”; I don’t know what I love doing! I don’t know anymore!

Every time, I feel depressed. It overpowers me, to where I can’t focus on my current job (I believe I hate my job now). I just want to scroll on social media all day long, which is also not good for my mental health.

But I just can’t stop! I think I need help. Or maybe a prayer. I don’t know.

This is when I feel like I'm stuck in my 20s

 I occasionally feel like I'm not entirely grown up. I feel like I'm stuck in my 20s.

Despite being a mother of three, a working mother, and a wife, there are times when I have the impression that I am still a young adult. I wish I could still window shop and buy wonderful stuff for myself. Then there's the thought of my children.

It's not that I don't care for my kids, though. They have my utmost love. But I can't get rid of the feeling.

Could it be that I didn't enjoy my 20s to the fullest?

Perhaps; perhaps not. Oh my God, I have no idea.

I wonder whether it's because of the MLTR song "Blue Night" that I just listened to on Spotify. It has to be. 

The lyrics are quite romantic. I fell in love every time. I wish a man could sing to me like this. Have you watched the official video?

They're serenading the girls in front of her apartment! Aiyayai..

Did every girl go through this, or am I the only one who didn't?

How lovely. This was not something I encountered when I was a young adult.

Do you want to know what I did?

My pals and I had wild times. And by being wild, we mean

going to the library practically daily

to read the news and use the air conditioning.

It was, nevertheless, entertaining. Because we can ride the motorcycle.

Three girls riding on one motorcycle.

Thank goodness we avoided getting penalised by the police .

It was also the time when we all ate kebabs at the bakery.

THE KEBAB.

It was the highlight of our day.

Oh my. It was both sweet and stupid. *laughing