Date Nights, Diapers, and Dirty Laundry: Keeping the Spark Alive in Motherhood

He’s Still My Husband, Not Just the Kids’ Dad — Remembering to Love Each Other First

The other night, I yelled, “Babe, where’s the remote?”

Three voices answered.

None of them were my husband.

And in that moment — surrounded by noise, school bags, sippy cups, and a half-eaten fish finger — I realized something. My husband and I had officially been upgraded (or maybe downgraded?) to full-time co-parents. Somewhere between our firstborn’s diaper explosion and our third child’s last tantrum, we had stopped being us.

Balancing motherhood and marriage is a dance nobody really teaches you. You just kind of stumble through it, holding snacks in one hand and resentment in the other.

Don't get me wrong — I adore my children. But sometimes I miss us. The “us” that used to laugh at memes in bed. The “us” that used to get dressed up for a cheap movie date. The “us” that had inside jokes not involving Paw Patrol.

And then one evening, as I watched him load the dishwasher without being asked (yes, he’s a keeper), I remembered: He’s still my husband. Not just the kids’ dad.

Why That Realization Matters

We talk so much about parenting techniques and schedules, but rarely about how to stay connected after kids. The truth? Our marriage is the foundation. When it’s strong, our whole house feels steadier. When it’s ignored… well, the cracks show up in everything — even the bedtime routine.

And no, rekindling doesn’t mean a spa retreat or three-day getaway. (Though if you offer, I won’t say no.)

It’s the Small Stuff

We started small — teeny, tiny things that made us feel like a couple again:

• A kiss on the forehead before the chaos starts

• Texting “I love you” in the middle of work

• Sitting down for coffee together after bedtime

• Saying “thank you” even for the obvious stuff, like taking the bins out

• Choosing to watch a show together instead of silently scrolling on separate phones

And you know what happened? We laughed more. We fought less. We felt like teammates again, not just co-managers of Household Inc.

What Changed For Us

We didn’t become Pinterest-perfect. The kids still interrupt mid-sentence. The laundry mountain is still Everest. But we’re closer. More patient. More present.

Sometimes I look at him and think, Wow, we’ve been through baby puke and broken sleep and school meetings — and I still fancy him. That’s magic.

To Every Mom Reading This…

If you feel like the “you” in your marriage is missing, you’re not alone. If you feel like your husband is more “Dad” than “Partner,” that’s okay too. The beautiful thing? You can bring the spark back — one tiny, conscious moment at a time.

Because before the babies, there was a love story. And guess what?

It’s still being written.

To strength, sweat, and showing up every day —

Finding power in motherhood and muscle

---